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Rant | Rant Archive
03.29.2009
A Freebie
How welcome is this?
Like everyone else I spend so many days fighting to get to some idealistic goal. Some dollar amount or a fuller calendar, trying to get into one club or another, arranging my schedule to fit both the personal and the pro
03.24.2009
Where the River Flows
Technology with either save us or be our downfall. I’m in awe at how easy it is to find absolutely anyone today. Between MySpace and Facebook alone, I have more contact with my friends from high school now than I actually did in hig
03.17.2009
I Don't Think Discount Is the Right Word
Customer service can make or break a business. I’m used to businesses making some sort of attempt to keep me as a customer, not going particularly out of their way, but also not pushing me violently out the door. Somehow, however, t
03.12.2009
Hardly Golden
I have to write this. I haven’t written anything in weeks. I’m due.
My biggest issue always seems to be finding a topic. All day, every day, I find myself constantly juggling a million ideas that I think would make gr
02.23.2009
In the Dark
I’m writing this on a Saturday afternoon though it most certainly won’t go online today. Publishing it requires that I think more about it after I’ve written it. It requires response and conversation. Today though,
02.16.2009
Songs About Then
My love of music goes back further than I can remember. I remember old 8-tracks in my Dad’s car as clearly as I remember smuggling my Walkman tape deck in my jacket and slipping a modified headphone earpiece up my sleeve to get my through
02.11.2009
Something In Your Mouth
This is taking me a while to write, mainly because the research is so painful. I was in my car a week or so ago without my iPod, which is rare. I would have a better chance of driving off without my keys than my music. Normally I wo
01.29.2009
While I Nodded, Nearly Napping
There is a bird, a little brown and yellow bird, that has been outside my window for the last four days. It’s a yellow-throated warbler if you need some more information to complete the visual. I know that because my grandmother use
01.26.2009
Free Association 4
Somehow this is where I end up when I can’t find the ability to reach out into the world of topics and wrap my hand around any one in particular. I end up staring at this blank document looking for enough words to make the page look full.
01.12.2009
From East of the Rockies
I wrote something recently that touched on the fact that I am a pretty hard sell when it comes to the supernatural. I’ve also mentioned in the past that I remain totally enthralled by the possible existence of those very same things that
01.05.2009
As a Matter of Fax
It is now 2009. It is one year before the second Space Odyssey. It is the setting for a number of other science fiction works. We are at the precipice, the point where man's needs meet technology and progress. I know, I
12.30.2008
The Devil Thumbs a Ride
There's no such thing as ghosts. I don't remember where that quote is from, but it sums me up. I just don't believe in the physical presence of any of the supernatural. I'm a hard one to convince. Don't tell me a story, show m
12.23.2008
Don't Even Think About It
**I just finished reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, the book that is mentioned in the comments section of this post on my MySpace page. In the afterward Gladwell gives a quote by Sigmund Freud that seems to validate not only his book, but the
12.17.2008
Did You Just Say Thank You?
A few weeks ago I did a set at a little dive bar in Houston. It's an open mic in town that only a handful of comics go to, and it can be quite a bit of work to get anyone in the room to face forward, much less quit talking. I've had
12.08.2008
Red Light, Green Light
I was reminded by something someone else wrote recently about something I meant to write about a little while back, but as usual I got sidetracked. I don’t think I’m going to get to it now either. Every time I try to start it, it doesn&rs
12.04.2008
Home
Home. The dictionary probably has a definition for it. It's far more than simply where you live. There are all sorts of clichés about the difference between a house and a home and all that other fuzzy feel good stuff. I have no idea what it
11.28.2008
If You Could Ask Just One Question
It's the Friday after Thanksgiving. While drones buzz up and down the roads looking for "unbelievable savings" on things they don't need to begin with, I've been at my apartment packing. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the music I'm l
11.20.2008
The Day Before the Day
Sometimes you want to go back. Don't misunderstand. I don't have any regrets. I think that absolutely everything I've done has played a role in shaping the person sitting here behind the keyboard at this moment, and I kind of like this person. Still,
11.17.2008
If It Looks Like a Duck
I've been listening to the radio a lot lately… not music, but talk. I've grown addicted to listening to the opinions of others, right or wrong, no matter how extreme. Ultimately, I disagree with just about all of it, but listening makes me thi
11.12.2008
Free Association 3
I haven't written in a long time. There has been and still is plenty to write about, but I have once again found it impossible to get it down in any organized manner. I'm like that guy in Heroes that has to do heroin to paint the pictures, except I d
10.24.2008
Frustration You Can Believe In
You don't have any idea how dangerously close I am to puncturing my eardrums with this pen. The one time I find myself at a coffee shop without my laptop happens to also be the one time I should not be holding a makeshift shiv. Actually, by definitio
10.15.2008
Inside the Wire (Iraq Pt. 2)
I've tried. Several times actually. I've tried to figure out a way to put the last week or so into words, and every time I do I end up deleting it. I'm not deleting this attempt I've decided. When I started this trip, my only concept of the war in Ir
10.09.2008
Inside the Wire (Iraq Pt. 1)
Rarely do I know so little beforehand about what to expect from a trip. I've left the States enough times now that I don't even think about it the night before. I know what to expect… a different country, different cultures, differ
10.01.2008
The Universe Has Spoken Pt. 2
I am so behind on my creative output lately. I leave for the Middle East this weekend, and I know I'll find plenty to write about while I'm there. Still, I thought I should do something a little more "lighter fare" before I take off. M
09.24.2008
I Don't Know Any Other Way to Put It...
When I was six or seven, I got sent to my room for something certainly quite trivial. Of all the times I'm sure I received that same punishment, I remember that particular one. I remember it because I sat next to my door screaming, and then spent my
09.21.2008
Free Association 2
I have rewritten this sentence no less than twenty times. Not the same sentence over an over, but a new sentence to replace the one I deleted. I have writer's block. It's the reason I haven't posted anything in two weeks or so. It's not that I haven'
09.10.2008
See Slade. See Slade Run. Sort Of.
I think it's hilarious that most people think that my quitting smoking is the setup for some soon to follow punch line. It's not. I promise. The thing is, while I choose to not be a smoker anymore, I still am a huge proponent for smokers rights, if t
09.04.2008
Marble
"The marble not yet carved can hold the form of every thought the greatest artist has." - Michelangelo
It's one of the brilliant realizations that we've come to as people. The awareness that from nothing, anything can be created. While an
08.09.2008
The Quest For Gold
I want to care. I'm supposed to, right? It's a tradition or something. For the twenty ninth time, as they do every four years, the most exceptional athletes from around the world come together to compete in the Olympiad… and I don't give a shi
08.07.2008
Dude, Where's My Tire?
I have never professed to be the quintessential man's man. I'm not the guy that has a garage full of tools or a project car that I work on every other day. I'm not that guy. Still, I'm pretty good with my hands and I'm definitely not afraid to get th
07.24.2008
Rambling From My Perspective
I keep learning things. That's the point isn't it? To keep taking in experiences and adjusting the way you react until you start to get better at it… No matter what it is, each little thing brings us closer to putting everything else into pers
07.15.2008
Stop Working On the Roof... It's The Foundation That's Cracked
It's alarming how close this election is. We're about to elect the new leader of the "free world". McCain or Obama. Everybody seems to have taken a look at the line in the sand, and chosen one side or another to stand on. I believe that we'
06.25.2008
I'm Not Going to Be Charged Extra For This, Am I?
It's taken a while to find a comfortable rhythm again. Coffee, cigarettes, 80 gigs of music, a hijacked internet connection, an empty page… The basics that keep me creative… I'm holed up in my apartment avoiding the temptation of cracki
06.10.2008
The Experience
Sweet are the uses of adversity;
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head
And this our life exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in ev
06.04.2008
I Have to Learn to Handle the Check Drop
I wrote something about the Houston comedy scene a while back, and while I will definitely not take credit for the change, I have seen a change here since then. Quickly too, and not in a way that negated anything I said previously… but in the
05.12.2008
Problem Solved
I realize I haven’t written in forever, but with sporadic internet service as of late and a pretty full schedule, some things have just had to wait. Still, it feels good to be back in front of a keyboard. I’ve run into a lot of old frie
05.08.2008
Dear James
Dear Jameson-
I know this going to be as hard for you to read as it is for me to write. You really are amazing. You were there for me right after I went through my break up, without questioning anything. You said you loved me no matter what I had be
04.21.2008
My Own Worst Enemy
Practicing what you preach is one of the hardest things to actually do. It's much harder than you realize. A lot of times we say things that we have grown to accept as correct. We maintain them as our "platform", and we get unnerved when we
04.15.2008
The 12th Round
I am on a bus.
Four insanely fun shows in Odessa, Texas behind me… and now I am on a bus. Of course I won't be on a bus when I post this, but I am as I write it at least. This has not been an exceptionally great year so far. I walked out of 2
04.07.2008
All I Wanted Was a Pepsi! (Suicidal Tendencies)
What’s the word for people that think through whether or not they could commit suicide? I don’t know what the word is, but the question was posed to me today. Not the "what’s the word" question, but the "have you ever
03.26.2008
Six Months
Six months. It’s such a short period. I’ve experienced that span 63 times in my life, but none as eventful as this last one. In those six months I’ve run the gamut of emotion, highs and lows. I’ve been around the globe and tou
03.18.2008
Be Delicious
I passed a “Save the Planet” billboard today. It’s a prevalent theme I suppose, from catchy marketing campaigns to political advertising… I think I’ve made the statement before that I am not very environmentally consc
03.12.2008
Broke Back and No Mountain
I’m in Colorado. Every time I’m here I go rock climbing, simply because it gives me something to conquer that I’m probably not supposed to. The last time I was here I found a cleft of rock next to some falls, and after a few hours I
03.08.2008
Castaway
My brother's porch has 25 boards that make up the floor, ringed by 63 smaller pieces of wood and topped by a flat board that is exactly the width of one and a half lighters. There is a flower pot that measures four and a half lighters tall, and there
03.02.2008
Safely Behind the Screen
Now that the traffic is back on my blog after my absence, I’m finding myself motivated to write more. I think it’s sad that more people don’t take the time to sift through the debris in their heads and post it online. It’s fun
02.25.2008
Selfish Indulgence
People meet people everyday. We interact. We communicate. We have little personal relationships with everyone we come in contact with. For the last year or so I have come to realize that in every single interaction, whether brief or huge, every thing
02.19.2008
Pick Your Pony
I swear… I have not avoided my writing on purpose. I think most writers will tell you that the craft requires a certain rhythm in your lifestyle in order to be effective, and a comfortable, creative setting. My rhythms have been broken, but my
01.27.2008
Open Water
It feels weird to not be writing about my Dad right now… it just seems like it would be inappropriate to forgo that for some reason. I, however, am not quite ready to dig into it. That seems to be a trend this past week I suppose, me doing wha
01.05.2008
If You Ever Want To Make God Laugh...
"If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
I'm pretty sure that's a Woody Allen line, but I keep hearing it in my Dad's voice. It came up in conversation the Wednesday before Christmas, as I was telling him how I inte
12.12.2007
The Lions Sleep Tonight
I could never have settled the Old West. There's just no way. 2000 miles from the east side of Texas to Los Angeles was hard enough, and I had a car instead of a wagon. Covering the distance isn't that big of a deal really, as I travel all the time&h
12.03.2007
The St. Louis Blues
It hit me very suddenly today for some reason. For such a normally optimistic person, I was completely taken aback by the immediate onset of what I can only describe as sadness. I was sitting in the St. Louis airport, looking for wi-fi service, an
11.27.2007
Burn the Ships
In 1519 Hernan Cortez landed a fleet of eleven ships in Veracruz, Mexico. How he conquered the Aztec Empire is a story I remember learning a long time ago. There are a lot of different aspects to the story that intrigue me… how he overthrew
11.22.2007
The Last Few Days (Part 3)
November 20, 2007 - 9:07 pm Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
We landed in the capitol of Ethiopia at 10:00 am, after a few days in Djibouti. We only made one real excursion into the streets of the latter while we were there. Expensive restaurants and a few nic
11.17.2007
The Last Few Days (Part 2)
November 16, 2007 - 2:14pm Bahrain
The Arab world is completely different. For once, I'm the one being stared at in the smoking room. Every pair of eyes glued on me, either because I'm white and American, or because my bracelet and my necklace have
11.16.2007
The Last Few Days (Part 1)
I apologize in advance for the choppiness of this entry. I'm attempting to capture as much of the trip in writing as I can, in the rare instances I get a chance to sit in front of my laptop. Here's a glimpse into the last few days.&n
11.01.2007
For the Birds
There is a girl in my life that I haven't figured out yet. It started out casually enough… she belonged to somebody else, and I was content to remain intrigued from a distance. Then somehow I ended up with her. She screams a lot, she's a picky
10.28.2007
It Gets Better Every Time
I've decided that I may need a cabin in the middle of 1000 acres in some state with lots of empty room to spare. I really enjoy the solitude… With that said, while I really enjoy being out of the spotlight, my mind is too restless to let me co
10.07.2007
All Good Things
Where do I even start? I think that I look less forward to what I'm about to write than I ever have before… It's like watching a child die - your child - right in front of your eyes, regardless of what you tried to do to save it.
And somehow
10.01.2007
The Monsters Beneath Our Beds
"Transformation and growth occur in the space between the point where we think we cannot go any further, and how much further we actually do go after that."
One of my best friends sent me that quote the other day. It's one of tho
09.28.2007
Crooked HALO
Some nights I can’t sleep. Most nights actually. I’m somewhat used to taking midnight motorcycle rides down dark roads in an attempt to step out of my environment long enough to get tired. Not that riding is some sort of tiring exercise
09.10.2007
The Center of Attention
The center.
There's something to it. It keeps coming up in conversation amongst a few of my friends, and I keep getting asked to define it. Maybe it's because it seems to be the core of the advice some people give… "Find your center.&quo
09.04.2008
I'm Batman
I haven’t decided on this guy yet. I think he’s real.
Let me explain. It’s a game I play with crazy people. I’m like a divining rod for the clinically insane… and since they flock to wherever I happen to be, I try to
03.01.2015
You Do Know She’s @$%^& One?
I don’t remember my 1st birthday, but apparently it was a pretty big deal. I was an only child at the time, and my parents spent a stupid amount of money on a cake that supposedly, Melanie, the girl down the street, stuck her fingers in befor
08.24.2007
Restless Mind Syndrome
I need a diversion.
Don't get me wrong… life kinda rocks right now. I would put my day to day life up against anyone when it comes to being free to do what you want to do. I get up early because I want to… and not for any other reason.
08.22.2007
Rationally Speaking
I apparently hit a nerve with my last Rant… "It's like being scared of rational women. You shouldn't be afraid of something you have no chance of coming in contact with."
I've since been painted the cynic through comments and
08.20.2007
It Spreads
I just walked into the coffee shop in the hopes that I could hammer out something new before I went to the club tonight. I love people with dreams. I really do. I just as equally adore people with false senses of self confidence. I pass over my $1.62
08.14.2007
An Empty Cup
It's funny how the smallest thing can bring back a dumb memory. In this case, it was as simple as a Starbucks in Lufkin, TX where I sat a while back watching it rain. It was an incredibly cool day in all actuality... peacefully sitting at t
08.06.2007
Ghosts
Ghosts. Remnants of things in the past. Footprints left in the sands that we’ve walked through that grow shallower and harder to see with every passing day… Sometimes those footprints disappear completely and we still see them simply b
07.29.2007
The Lie of the Beholder
I’m a big believer that perception is reality. The Thomas Theorem says that “things believed to be true are true in their consequences”… What exactly does that mean? It means that if you think something is a certain way, it i
07.17.2007
So This Is What the Back Room Looks Like?
Comics by nature are kinda dicks, especially around other comics. Over the last eight years I have spent many nights in the showroom of the Laff Stop while the open mic went on in the lobby. It's not a show, but it should be… just a bunch of stand
07.03.2007
Exploding Robots
Mother of God…. I want my car to turn into a robot.
Yes, I just saw Transformers. Here lately I’ve been on a slight movie kick, and for the most part every movie that’s come out this year has been one big two-hour bag of suck. T
06.21.2007
Stuff You Didn't Know You Needed
Someone explain to me why I booked an 8:00 am flight? I know me better than that. I knew I would miss it if I had to drive to the airport from Beaumont in the morning, so I chose instead to spend the night in Houston. I didn’t factor in stopp
06.19.2007
Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand
"We sit outside and argue all night long
about a god we've never seen
but never fails to side with me"
I’ve been asked on more than one occasion why I write. My answer is consistently that I do it for me. The readership is me
06.07.2007
Equal Time
It’s tough not to write from anger when you’re angry. Perhaps that’s the wrong word… frustrated may be more apropos. It doesn’t even stem from the topic I’m writing about, though I’m sure it will have an e
06.05.2007
Jump
There is a rock somewhere close to Cape Zanpa on the East China Sea off the coast of Okinawa. My geography may be off as I’ve only visited there once, nevertheless, I remember the rock well. For two straight days this rock was my worst enemy.
01.24.2007
One
It must be the approach of Valentine‘s Day. It's the only explanation for why "love" is such a prominent theme in those around me. For some reason I've found myself on the giving end of advice more times than I cared to recently
05.16.2007
It's Complicated
It's so hard to come up with a topic sometimes. Sitting here like so many other days with my laptop and a big cup of Hawaiian Kona… Damone and cigarettes, and an empty head. I sifted through my Inbox to see what suggestions have been thrown my
05.10.2007
The Coin's Other Side
I have an abnormal attraction to challenge I think. It's probably unhealthy, but it gets me through the days sometimes. So when my buddy Brandon challenged me to "come up with at least 1000 word Rant on reasons relationships do work that is
05.03.2007
The Sea, an Evil Woman, and a Castle on the Mountain
It has been a long time since I have laughed as hard as I did last night. Normally I'm surrounded by comedians, with clever well thought out witticisms and jabs being tossed back and forth in a strategic tete-a-tete. Not last night. Last night was pu
04.24.2007
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
Goddammit. I hate it when this happens. Today has been incredibly uneventful, so I've gotten to sit around all day mindlessly watching TV. I rarely watch TV anymore, but since Time Warner gave me a free upgrade I figured I'd flip through the 374+ mov
12.31.1969
Nappy Headed Ho
I sat down at the coffee shop today because I have a ton of topics I want to tackle, and need the caffeine before I go do my annual three hour Papadeaux's dinner with a friend of mine. I've been on the bike lately since the weather's been perfect, an
12.31.1969
Time and Time Again
A little randomness on my part, brought on by the coffee probably…
Fuck Time. Yes, I said it, Time. I know it's an abstract concept, relative and subject to perception… but also obviously measurable. Still fuck it.
It's a slave driver. I gets
12.31.1969
Guess What? We Still Don't Care...
I just back from Tucson… Three really long days of travel and boredom in the deserts of Arizona. I bear no malice towards the city itself, just the airlines that travel there and the place I had to stay. I think audiences would be amazed
12.31.1969
I'll Find Time...
“Look at it man. This city is fucking dead.”
I know that part. It’s in Dazed & Confused, and I know it well enough to recognize it even though the volume is muted. Instead, Chalk Farm’s “I’m Awake” is playing on iTunes, and the music rattles
12.31.1969
I'd Rather Be the Pope
I don't expect that title to make sense to anyone but a select few of you. I write because it keeps me sane. At least that's my excuse. I'm scared to think what would happen if I didn't, as much stuff as there is rattling through my
12.31.1969
Tickle Me Emo
I want it to go away. More than anything in the world right now, "Emo" needs to go. It's taken me a long time to even figure out what the fuck it is, and now that I know, I want it gone. For those of you unaware, apparentl
12.31.1969
A Moment Captured
There's nothing lonlier than a coffee shop at night. A refuge for those deprived of a social life, and a nauseatingly romantic rest area for young couples in love... Tuscan decor and a mix of Italian pop played just a little too loud over
12.31.1969
And They're Off
I’m on a plane to DC right now… actually Atlanta, but it’ll end up in DC. It’s Spring Break for 5 million idiots, and most of them are on my plane. Who goes to Atlanta for Spring Break? There’s a gay German standing in the aisle fla
12.31.1969
Left Behind
How do I do this without coming across the wrong way? Hypocrisy in life is one of the things that infuriates me more than anything. This has been my argument against organized religion for a while, and the primary reason I don't agree wit
12.31.1969
Texas Country and Piracy
Lemme start off by saying that I have been pushed by several, and by several I mean a stupidly high amount of, emails to step up my Rant production. If you are on my email list you can now get them emailed to you as they come out. I am ho
12.31.1969
War Games
I'm putting my faith back in the children. We’re going
about this all wrong, this thing in
Iraq.
We’ve been there since 2003. We’re tired. We’ve lost loved
ones. We’ve spent a googleplex dollars. And to to
12.31.1969
Go Find Your Midget
Some of you know that I ended my almost eight year relationship a while back. I say "I ended"... What I mean is that "it was ended". Apparently the fact that she and lived together was pissing off her boyfriend... I know a lot of yo
12.31.1969
Get the White House on the Phone
Because I have a game plan... I know North Korea is one ballsy little country. Despite all the warnings from all these different countries, they just keep on thumbing their nose at the rest of the world. I can't say I blame them. Th
12.31.1969
Lemmings
Sometimes I wonder why certain things catch on. We've all done it - stopped to look at something that's hugely popular - and tried to figure out why. We're all sheep led by lemmings led by whatever Pied Piper picked up his flute that day.
12.31.1969
The Second Stinger
Okay. We get it. The Crocodile Hunter is dead. I’ll admit it - I was big fan of Steve Irwin. The guy had balls the size of the bottom part of most snowmen. He was truly entertaining to watch. I think though, that
12.31.1969
Who Are You Again?
Some comics are great social commentators. I‘m not one of them. I’m no Hicks or Pryor. Sometimes though, it’s hard to ignore changing social climates… especially when they happen in your own little microcosm. I attended
12.31.1969
Just Kicking Some Things Around
I was listening to whoever was standing in for Rush Limbaugh the day after the World Cup finals. It was pretty much background noise for me that day, until I heard the guy say that soccer was nowhere near as good of a sport as NASCAR. Hol
12.31.1969
All Lit Up Again
I seem to have become the spokesperson against the new 100% smoking ban here in Beaumont. Unofficially at least… Like many cities in the US, smoking is scheduled to become illegal in 100% of our city starting August 1. I probably n
12.31.1969
If You Dig a Hole Deep Enough...
... You end up on the other side of the world. I realize this entry is long overdue, but here it is anyway. Internet access was hard to come by so I didn’t get to post it live the way I wanted to. Instead you get this… Incheo
12.31.1969
Clan of the Cave Bear
Man oh man oh man oh man… I just got back from a run through Alabama. I’ve played a lot of gigs in the South, and I guess I sometimes forget just how detrimental the results of inbreeding can be. It’s no wonder we lost the war… &nbs
12.31.1969
Wayside Drive (or Kick Wesley)
It was just brought to my attention that the house I grew up in was more or less smashed by Hurricane Rita. I haven't been by there to see it yet, but hearing about it brought back a flood of memories. Those memories in turn, have reminde
12.31.1969
Gone
I think I tend to write more when I’m on an airplane because I have to. As I write this, I’m sitting next to an armrest hog in an Izod shirt and if I weren’t writing with this pen, I’d probably stab him in the neck with it. Now he’s tryin
12.31.1969
Merry #$%&!*% Christmas Part 2
I’ve done it again. I’ve waited until the last possible minute to do any Christams shopping. I’ve gone white water rafting, rock climbing… I’ve even jumped out of airplanes, and I’m actually scared to venture into the malls. Vast ha
12.31.1969
Bigfoot Tracks 2
I missed my calling I think Don’t get me wrong, I’m a comedian and that’s not gonna change. I really should have gone into Cryptozoology though. I still could. I mean, why shouldn’t I? It seems everyone now knows about
12.31.1969
Aftermath
Rita. I’ve grown to hate that name. It makes me not want to even drink another margarita. All I remember is that on the Wednesday before the storm I laughed and laughed about it. I watched rednecks “grab the chickens and the l
12.31.1969
Not Quite Saved By The Bell
Where should I start this? Dustin Diamond... former child star, formerly
Screech from Saved By The Bell, currently taking up space on what should be a
real comic's stage. I just "middled" for the illustrious Mr. Diamond in
Shrevepor
12.31.1969
Let Them Run With Scissors
Why does the line always seem to blur in favor of the opposition for me? I mean, the line of "personal space" never seems to be violated by anything other than my cigarette smoke..."Sound", however, can apparently dance cross whatever line it please.
12.31.1969
Conspiracy Theory
I think it’s about time for us to do something about our lack of unity. Race relations, terrorism, religious conflicts… trivial reasons behind not-so-trivial amounts of casualties. It’s obvious that we aren’t getting anywhere near solving
12.31.1969
To Whom It May Concern
Dear Mr. Old Guy, How are you? Remember me? The guy you cut off on the access road about fifteen minutes ago. Yeah, I was on the motorcycle. Well, you’re a cocksucker. You didn’t even look over at me after you did
12.31.1969
In A Galaxy Far Far Away...
I finally went to see Star Wars: Episode III, the last installment in a sci-fi drama I first watched when I was a one year old. I'll be honest, I was a complete Star Wars geek as a kid. And like most kids, several Christmases in a row&nbs
12.31.1969
XM Addicted
Holy crap... this is like crack. I just got a Delphi xm2go. This is my first foray into the world of satellite radio as a listener. I can't believe what I've been missing out on! If you know me at all, you know I have a
12.31.1969
Bigfoot Tracks
I really need to write. For my website I mean. I either end up with nothing but written word or stuff for the stage - unfortunately never both. I've honestly been logging on here every day in an attempt to post something... Ever
12.31.1969
Computer Illiterate
I’m… about… to… snap… I need somebody to explain to me why friends of mine – people with perfectly brilliant communication skills in the real world – turn into bumbling simian waterheads when they get in front of a computer. I mean, I don
12.31.1969
Tactless in Seattle
I'm writing this in a little bar called Swannie's above the Comedy Underground in Seattle. This is one of those weeks where I honestly wanted to do anything but travel. In an ideal world I get to spend the weekend in bed watching way too
12.31.1969
Gates of Hell
I think this is hell. Atlanta, Georgia. Terminal B. 2:00 PM. Thirty minutes after I was originally supposed to land in Houston, three hours before I'm now scheduled to take off. Crowd chatter, crying babies, sick kids, a
12.31.1969
State of the Union Address
Good evening my fellow Americans - or in this day and age of internet communication, my fellow Americans, Taiwanese, Australians, Russians, Ugandan, Canadians, Slovaks, French, Germans, Romanians, Japanese, Himalayan, Eskimoan, Siamese, or other. I c
12.31.1969
Our Fragile Earth
I get accused a lot of not caring about the environment. I won't go so far as to say I don't care, but I'll also never be one of those green flag waving environmentalists. For instance, I litter. A lot. I also drive everywhere
12.31.1969
A Look Back
I kinda want to do a retrospective of some of the funnier things I saw this past year. 2004 was good year for humor and I feel like I hardly touched on any of it in my Rants.
Like that guy from Laos. He took out six other hunters. While I do think i
12.31.1969
Google Me
I found this really funny when I was looking over my website's stats for the last few months... Here's a list of some of the things people have searched for that have brought up my site:
kappa sigma wallpapers with a bitch in it
12.31.1969
Merry %$#@&!* Christmas
The most wonderful time of the year... Whoever coined that phrase should be baked in an oven at 450 degrees until golden brown, just like all those holiday desserts everyone looks so forward to. Me? I've become a card carr
12.31.1969
Burning Bridges
I honestly can’t believe how busy I’ve been. As some of you know, I own a little comedy club called Comedy, Texas. For the last year and a half it’s been inside a Hilton hotel that just recently sold to the MCM Elegante. Although th
12.31.1969
Dimebag
Rest in peace my brotha'. Dammit... We have to get our shit together people... -S
12.31.1969
Crowd Control
Feels like forever since my last Rant entry... I think it's my fault for setting the bar too high. If I updated this site once every three months like other performers then you'd think this one was early... In my def
12.31.1969
Mr. Tambourine Man
It's official... if this whole "comedy" thing doesn't work out, I'm moving to LA to be a tambourinist. Is that even a word? I think it's a really overlooked part of a band. Most people think it's easy and that anyone can do it, but
12.31.1969
Ridlin Me This
I’ve been hearing people use terms like ADD and depression and bipolar a lot lately. I’m one of those people that doesn’t really believe in all that stuff. I’m not saying mental disorders are fiction, because there are extreme cases.
12.31.1969
Death of a Tree House
It’s been a while since I posted anything about my neighborhood war zone. Honestly, ever since the “Louisville Slugger” incident, everything’s been really quiet. I guess there’s something about working a car over like Rodney King that ser
12.31.1969
My Week
So I'm sitting here in front of the computer, a scratched up copy of the Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Uplift Mofo Party Plan" in the CD player... For the record, I rarely write these rants on the computer. I write 'em all freehand and then ent
12.31.1969
Abduct This
I think I've always been amazed by the UFO phenomenon. As a matter of fact, the entire "supernatural" subject in general intrigues me. Bigfoot, Loch Ness, the chupacabra, Atlantis, and UFO's - if the Discovery Channel airs a new program o
12.31.1969
No More!
That's it. I'm done with the political correctness. I can take absolutely no more of the pseudo "I-have-to-care-about-some-issue-or-another" bullshit. It's a really bad case of symbolism over substance folks. If you wanna chan
12.31.1969
Young Girls and The Men That Worship Them
I'm supposed to write a rant today. That's normally what I do on Saturdays. I'm on my third cup of coffee right now though and still don't have a clue what this one's about. I got up earlier than I wanted to this morning, which may explai
12.31.1969
October
I can't even begin to explain my fascination with this month. Somehow or another though, October manages to dig its claws into my life - and for good or bad - force drastic changes. My first radio gig started in October. My first ti
12.31.1969
Michael Archangel
I wasn’t gonna do this, but now I feel like I have to, mainly because Sir Psycho just popped up on my Guestbook. If you’ve taken the time to visit the link to Kevin Martin and the Hiwatts on my links page, then you are already familiar with the
12.31.1969
The Day The Music Died
I try to touch on how I feel about the state of music today in my show. For some reason, time constraints always seem to keep me from really getting into it. I remember being on the air at a classic rock station - playing music from artis
12.31.1969
RNC
Wow. What a convention this has turned out to be. I guess the biggest let down so far has been the whole Bush twins appearance. Stand-up comedy is not their strong suit at all. Some would argue that it's not my strong suit eit
12.31.1969
To All The Liberals
Okay. I'm officially soliciting "Rant" topics. Not that I've hit a wall after only three months, I just enjoy the challenge of writing on someone else's subject. If you are looking for an older rant, try the "Rant Archive" clicky-th
12.31.1969
John Kerry
There is such a buzz around the upcoming election - and while I've tried to shy away from politics on my site, I should probably address some of what's going on. Plus, several people have asked why there's no rant on all this John Kerry/Sw
12.31.1969
Disorderly Conduct
Well, I’m officially a criminal. I can say with no embarrassment whatsoever that I was hauled into jail for Disorderly Conduct night before last. Come to think about it, I say it with a small bit of pride. The truth of the matter is
12.31.1969
Where Have All The Good Jobs Gone?
Everybody seems to be bitching about the economy and how we’re not creating any new jobs… like companies downsizing is something new. What people don’t realize is that this has gone on for a very, very long time. Not only have people lost
12.31.1969
Beautiful Things
They’re different for everybody. Inspirational. Peaceful. Exhilarating. Motivating. The things that make us notice them when everything else passes us by. The things we find impossible to ignore… Wha?!
12.31.1969
Weighing In
You wanna watch me crack? Show me one more “low carb” commercial. The Atkins Diet was one thing, but it was the creation of a man with a history of heart disease… a man that weighed 258 pounds when he died. That’s a guy I want givin
12.31.1969
My Life - A Documentary
First off, sign the Guestbook. Go. Now. Or don’t, whatever… I’m sitting at a coffee shop trying to write something new for this website. I’ve been sitting here for an hour and all I’ve written are these two lines.
12.31.1969
Sleep... Deprived...
I know people keep coming here expecting to read something new and novel but today you’re just gonna have to settle for new. Speaking of new, if you haven’t signed the Guestbook yet you should do it. It makes me look important. I’m
12.31.1969
Siitin' On The Dock of the Bay
Fishing is supposedly the great American past time… Actually, I think that’s baseball, but a lot of people like to fish nevertheless. I went this past Sunday with a few buddies of mine and fellow comedian Robert Hawkins. Over five h
12.31.1969
Don Dodd and The Examiner - Beaumont, TX
I felt like I should include this on my website for the sake of showing you the caliber of idiot I have to deal with on a daily level. This is a letter to the editor of a local paper, written upon my return from the Middle East. It’s a ve
12.31.1969
Lean On Me
Do you know what I’m doing right now? I’m typing this little rant as I wait for the rest of my little neighborhood vigilante group to come over. That’s right, tonight we’re taking back our neighborhood. For the last year or so, more
12.31.1969
I Love To Camp (Or, Insert Sarcastic Face Here)
Man oh man oh man. It absolutely amazes me that some people call “camping” a good time. I have no aversion to the outdoors – I love them as a matter of fact – I just don’t thing the woods of East Texas are a good idea in June. 90 so
12.31.1969
San Diego Bound (and Random Thoughts 2)
I’m en route to from Houston to San Diego right now and all I can think as I look out the window of the plane is, “Damn. Arizona is ugly from the air!”. Maybe I’m just cranky from leaving a non-smoking terminal to take a non-smoking fligh
12.31.1969
Class Reunion
My ten year reunion is coming up this Fall. Unfortunately (read “thank God") the hand I’ve been dealt will place me in Playa Del Carmen that weekend. I would like to say that I’m upset about missing it, but I’m just not. I go to the
12.31.1969
Random Thoughts 1
A few random thoughts… Don’t you hate it when you call someone and they say, “Hey, I was just thinking about you”… and then you hear the toilet flush? I heard a guy on TLC say, “I’m not a designer. I prefer the term interior drama
12.31.1969
Support Your Local Businesses
Here’s your mission for today. Support a local business. Seriously. You will never get better service than you will at a small, locally owned business. Big businesses – corporations – they don’t care. They operate off of
12.31.1969
A Weekend At Home
It's always a beautiful experience to play your home stage. The applause when they announce your name is a little bit bigger than usual, and the crowds will let you play a little more than more usual - I can go places on stage I'd nev
05.26.2004
A Good Letter This Time
There is a long back story to this, though the short version is that I wrote an email to the wife of a Navy officer after I got back from Bahrain. This is the response I got, and it is one of the main reasons that I will take the overseas trip
12.31.1969
Open Letter To Clearchannel
Okay, here's the deal. I really, really hate these bastards. A lot of people think that a stance against Clearchannel these days is an easy stance to take - like being an Elvis or a Beatles fan. From an outsiders perspective it is
12.31.1969
Wow
You know, it wasn't until just now, looking back over the site, that I realized exactly how much I use the "comma". I really do overuse it. I'm like punctuation's version of an overacting British thespian I guess, or the William
12.31.1969
Welcome...
Welcome to my little corner of the online world. As I write this, it’s 1:00 on a Tuesday. As I write this, this website’s not even up yet. And as I write this, I’m not even sure that anyone will be reading it. What I do know i
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