I have a crazy obsession with octopuses. Nothing is more unusual to me, like they were designed in a Build-a-Bear by some fearless kid.
“How many arms?”
“What?! You’re only building one animal here.”
Yeah, so? And put suckers on them.
“That makes literally no sense.”
And I want it to change colors!
“From what color to what color?”
All of them!
“Okaaay, son. You’re getting a little excited.”
And make it shoot big black clouds of ink at its enemies!
“That’s not how things work at all.”
And a beak!
“Like a parrot?”
“Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask your kid to leave.”
And no bones!
“Seriously, I’m going to call a manager.”
Believe me. My mom will call a manager faster than you ever could. Just make my dumb spider-bird-fish-chameleon-inkjet-printer-slime-animal so we can go.