Ye Ol’ Apple Store

Apple Employee: “Welcome to the Apple store. What can I do to help you today?”

Me: “Just grabbing an adapter for a power cord.”

AE: “Not a problem. I can get someone to help you. What’s your name? And do you have your iPhone on you?”

Me: “I’m actually just grabbing an adapter.”

AE: “Great. If I can just scan your phone, and we’ll get you right in line.”

Me: “Adapter. It’s on the wall over there. I can literally see it from here.”

AE: “Okay, then. I just need your name and then we’ll have someone grab that for you and see what else you need.”

Me: “I don’t need anything else. I barely need this.”

AE: “That’s great. So do you have your phone on you? I’ll scan you right in.”

*pulls out a Galaxy S7*

*record scratches, people start speaking in tongues*

Me: “So I’m just gonna go grab that adapter now if it’s okay with you.”

*watches as the the employee slowly chokes on his own bile and degenerates into a pile of disbelieving goo that anyone has a piece of technology that didn’t come from Apple*

Me: “So do you ring this up or do I have to join the cult to give you money? You have ten seconds to answer or I’m stealing it. iPromise.”



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